It's not marked on google maps, hiding between the villages of Llandilo and Maenclochog in Pembrokeshire, South Wales. The centrepiece is a large, dilapidated, listed building dating back to 1795, set in 56 acres of land that includes an orchard, a river, a stone circle, a wooden roundhouse, several yurts, and enormous potential. The 'Temple Druid Community' was founded in 2014 when a group of 3 families bought the land together for only £375,000. Lucky them. Now, in their own words, they're working with "the express interest in purchasing Temple Druid and of developing a year round source of high quality organic food and therapeutic holistic retreat centre for disadvantaged children/families and vulnerable adults..." and towards, "developing sustainable ecological housing though restoration of barns, out houses and self builds...We hope to offer access to an inspiring, nourishing environment in order that people have the opportunity to participate and explore that which brings meaning to their lives through interaction with the natural world and each other." In other words, exactly the kind of place I want to be.
I've been back in the city for two days and already the exhausted, detached, distracted feeling that's come to characterise my life has set back in again. I spent the weekend there as a volunteer, but compared to the last two days, it felt more like two weeks. Life outside the 'real world' is slower. Working on the land, learning from like-minded people, sleeping in my tent and waking to the sound of the birds, with only the kindness of strangers and the gear I can carry on my back to sustain me; this, I know, is how life should be. It's humiliatingly simple. Get back to nature. Make your peace. Don't worry about "finding yourself". You're right here, a tiny part of something much, much more important.
I took my 40mg of Prozac in the morning, as I have been doing since I reduced the dose three weeks ago. Back in Manchester, my brain has tried to haunt me again since I did this, but out of the noise, and out in the fields, I can't remember having a single flash of dark thoughts all weekend. This means something.